I had a rough day yesterday. It had built up over the weekend because I had decided on Friday that I was going to quit my very part-time job. The manager is a tyrant. Actually, he is more like a petulant playground bully. The secretary would spend hours crying on my shoulder, telling me what mean things he has said and done, instead of standing up for herself. I finally said, "enough." When she related that he "didn't know what he was paying me for," that he had "paid me for nothing," I wrote him a letter and told him I wouldn't work for him any more. I delivered it in person yesterday morning.
I was already in a really low mood and it got worse as the day wore on. I wrote it out on this blog (see yesterday's post), spent an hour or more reading web pages on the warning signs of suicide, put on a movie, pulled a comforter over my head, and slept. I haven't behaved that way in years. After I woke up, I went out for the mail. There is was, the letter from Social Security that I have been waiting for for two years. They finally reinstated my disability. I celebrated by going to the grocery store.
I am going to a class tonight on basic photography. I took 2 -3 years of photography back in 1998 - 2000. At that time, I bought an enlarger and enough supplies and equipment to set up a darkroom in my basement. In fact, I did set it up in my laundry room and used it once or twice. I loved it but was pretty manic at that time in my life. Things became pretty crazy after that. The enlarger got covered with dust and laundry, the equipment was packed away in various locations. I haven't touched it since.
But I will touch it today. I plan on spending the day taking inventory, cleaning off the equipment, finding the two old manual Canon cameras, and going out for batteries and film.
What a difference a day makes.
From one extreme to another. That's the name of this bipolar game. Which reminds me, I need to be careful and take my time. This up mood won't last either and my biggest failing when manic is spending money, particularly on creative projects.
I want to thank the two ladies who commented on my post yesterday when I was in crisis. The letter from SSA was great, but their two comments pulled me out of a dive, just by letting me know I was heard. thank you.