It occurs to me that I may not change. This may be how it is going to be for however long I remain alive. (deep sigh.) Medications are not working like they used to. I have been on them for too long. I might as well not be on medication, or so it seems. I cycle wildly and rapidly, regardless.
I can not stay in bed all day. I do not sleep. Even at night I do not sleep. My hands and feet are constantly in motion. I wake up stiff from being in motion all night.
So what do I do?
I make plans, plans of how best to take care of myself, depending on what state of disorder I am in. For example, when I am manic, I will be careful not to start any new projects or make any new goals. They tend to be unrealistic, overwhelming, and disappointing. Also when I am manic, I will take advantage of the energy and get some exercise. Long vigorous walks tend to burn out the jitters. Walking and talking with someone makes it even better. Manic energy is also good for cleaning out places like the basement, shoving stuff around and sweeping up dust and dirt. Manic energy is good for mopping floors. It is not good for filing paperwork, unless I am taking on the entire filing system.
If I had a good yard, manic energy might be good for gardening. HOWEVER, over the years I have spent thousands of dollars at garden supply stores. Not a good place for me. So, I must limit my 'gardening' to raking, weeding, pruning, and sweeping.
Depression is good for inspirational reading, slow walks, writing, catching up on movies, watching the dog breathe, watching the snow fall, belly breathing, meditation, hand-washing dishes, clothes, windows.
Mixed states are tricky. If I am depressed and agitated, it may be best to nap. I'm not sleeping my life away, just this short phase of my life. If I am manic and full of negative energy, I can write blogs or letters that I just don't post or mail. And walk.
Today, I intend to look into what diets are best for which states of disorder. In the meantime, I will head back down to the basement and work on the studio.
I am not an expert on bipolar disorder... I just live with it. This is my blog of hope and encouragement.