Bleak Outlook

I may be in the process of losing my home. Ok, that's extreme. But I am possibly losing my disability. I worked for the Fed Govt. for 22 years then retired on disability because of the bipolar disorder. I've been living on disability now for 6 years. I tried working for 9 months and the stress threw me back into instability. Because I tried working, however, Social Security is questioning my disability. They are reviewing my case now. If I lose it I don't know what I'll do. I'm 53 years old...an overweight, bipolar woman. Who would hire me?

It's raining. It's been raining for days. The flowers I put out are happy but need some sunshine. The birds start singing now at 6am and sing throughout the day in the dim light and light soft rain. Even the parakeet is chattering at me. It's a good day for tea and hot biscuits.

What's the worst that can happen? I can lose the disability and not find work. My OPM retirement is not enough to keep a house on. I turn to family. There's the dark, gloomy apartment over my brother's business that my father lived in before he died. Would my brother deny me access to that if I needed it? I would hope not. There's a trailer there but they've probably rented it out. Maybe I could add a second trailer. Surely my brother wouldn't turn me down.

I should be reading and writing...not worrying. But planning on contingencies helps me put things in perspective. If the worst were to happen, I could survive...with help and cooperation from family.

I hope the sun comes out some today. I need it.

Sunday Moning

It's early Sunday morning. I've been out in the garden in the rain. This past week I put flowers in the garden, filling flower boxes and pots...manicly buying plants and filling containers...but it's nice. I love being out in the yard with a cup of coffee when the birds are still singing. There's a wood thrush among the trees that reminds me of my mother...it was her favorite bird, too. I don't have many positive memories of my mother. Of course she was an artist, too. And she loved the mountains and the gardens. I'm a lot like her I suppose...not an entirely happy thought.