Pain and Comfort

I'm on the path to gaining weight:  cereal at night, frozen yogurt, sugar in my coffee.  I have been needing comfort.  Broken sleep isn't going to help, either.

I have had a toothache for three or four weeks...ever since I had a tooth filled.  But that is not where it hurts. In fact, we can not tell exactly where the pain is coming from.  It hurts all over the side of my head and down my jaw.  I have been taking ibuprofen and Tylenol around the clock for weeks.  I hate to think what that is doing to my lithium levels...or my kidneys and liver, for that matter.

I'm tired of pain.  I'm tired of dry mouth.  I'm tired of non-stop tongue and jaw movement (tardive dyskinesia).  I'm tired of sighing.  I'm tired of not sleeping through the night. But, what I am doing for comfort is sabotaging the one aspect of my life that is going right for me these days:  My weight is down.  I have 15-25 lbs. to go but I've lost 25 lbs. since last Fall...when I stopped taking Abilify and we jacked up the Lithium...and I became so sick.

The challenge now is to identify some other activity that will comfort me and not harm me or my efforts.  For example...

• There are beneficial foods that can be comforting, like fruit, small amounts of protein, even cereal...just not in the middle of the night.
• There are books of inspiration and comfort.  (I may elaborate on this in a later post.) 
• There are music, candles, and incense.
• Favorite movies.
• Gentle yoga
• A long walk
• A short walk
• Bubble bath
• Hair cut (my beautician gives an incredibly nice head massage)
• Putting an area of the house in order, like my desk or dresser.  I find cleared, smooth surfaces (especially wood surfaces) soothing.
• Sweeping the floor (again with the wood surface). Of course, having someone else sweep the floor would be nice...but that requires a struggle...and that is a whole other post.

I need pain relief...I need comfort.  Do you have any ideas?  What do you do for comfort?  I'd love to know...

I Need Some Hope

I am getting very ‘in my head’ and need some distraction…but I cannot handle just anything. I have wrecked the car, Social Security is questioning my disability, the school is questioning my FAFSA, my medication is not working, and I have already had too much sleep. I need something to read. 99% of what I have stacked against my bedroom wall is too painful…too stressful. I cannot handle characters dying or battling disease. I cannot take slapstick either. What I need is something gentle but influencing…something like the lilacs in bloom outside my bedroom window.

Several years ago I clung to the Mitford series like it was fresh water. There were conflicts and even crises but the dark was never too dark and never as dark as my own mind. Living through the diabetic coma with Father Tim was a little discomforting, but survivable. Then more recently I have devoured Alexander McCall Smith’s The New No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series. Mma Ramotswe is even ‘traditionally built.’ How satisfying is that! Her father’s ordeal in the mines was very difficult to get through and may have been a bit out of place but, again, the series as a whole was never too dark.

The situation is this…when we are spiraling down, caught in the squirrel cage of our minds, or mired in the dark muck and in need of comfort, there may not be anyone there to bring us a cup of tea…or a cutting from the lilac. We may know we need some hope but not know where to find it. These are just some thoughts I had.