Who is the Real Me?

I remember sitting with a priest shortly after I was diagnosed and put on lithium. As tears dripped down my cheeks, I asked her, “who is the real me? Am I me covered up with moods that will finally be removed? Or will the real me be silenced by the lithium? Where is my soul in all of this, my spirit?” As I recall, she had nothing of consequence to say…so few people are equipped to handle such questions. But the questions persist.

I’ve had friends suggest that I not take the medications so as to not interfere with my soul’s work. There are counselors and therapists who believe depression is useful. But at the time I had no choice…I was drowning. My children were not being well taken care of. My professional life was littered with inappropriate relationships, broken promises, and incomplete projects. And I was very, very sick.

Julian of Norwich said, "It is a lofty understanding inwardly to see and to know that God, who is our maker, dwells in our soul, and it is a still loftier and greater understanding inwardly to see and to know that our soul, which is created, dwells in God's substance. From this substance we are what we are, by God." I believe that that which stands rooted in God is not uprooted by medication. My soul work has simply changed.